


As The Silence Breaks

by innertimetraveldetective



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Skye | Daisy Johnson-centric, mama may, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innertimetraveldetective/pseuds/innertimetraveldetective
Summary: A look into how Daisy reacted immediately after Lincoln's death, and what caused her to leave.
Relationships: Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Lincoln Campbell/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	As The Silence Breaks

"Daisy, love, can you look at me?" Jemma asked lightly, desperately trying to keep her voice calm, cool. Daisy maintained her blank stare, her expressionless face. Jemma sighed, stroking her cheek lovingly.

"She's still unresponsive?" May asked from behind her. Jemma nodded, looking at her longingly, wishing she could reach her.

"I'll help her to bed, you go get some sleep, Simmons." May said warmly, dismissing her as nicely as she knew how. She looked at Daisy, how small she was tucked up on the floor of the Quinjet, just how young, how scared her eyes were. She hates herself, hated S.H.I.E.L.D., for dragging these kids into their wars, for taking people and turning them into warriors, for doing the same to her.

"Come on, Daisy." May said gently, leaning down to help her up, Daisy still not moving. May sighed, picking her up gently, the girl eerily light. The haunted look that resided behind her tired eyes scared May almost as much as the dark circles beneath, as the way her skin was tight around her bones.

May carried her back to her bunk, heart breaking at every labored breath, every flutter of her eyes. She set her down on her bed, kissing her forehead gently.

"Do you want me to stay?" she asked quietly. Nothing. Daisy's expression remained blank, her eyes fixed somewhere far away, storm clouds dancing behind them.

"Okay. We're all here if you need us, you know that." She told her, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder before leaving, every part of her screaming to stay, to hold her, to hug her. But no, that version of Daisy was long gone, leaving a ghost of her behind.

* * *

Daisy loved the quiet. She loved the painful silence, the haunting knowledge that she was entirely alone, that no one would come and rescue her, that she could sit with her thoughts and revel in their pain, in their cruelty, the sharpness of their blade.

She was quiet as everyone fussed around her, as Jemma was called, as May carried her back to her bunk. She stayed quiet for hours, far away as she watched everything, over and over and over again, as she felt everything, over and over and over again.

She was Skye, young, still bright, undamaged as the bullets hit her. She felt that pain, that blind agony flood her, felt her life fade, and she missed it, part of her begging for that release once more.

She was Daisy, hugging her father goodbye for the first and last time, hearts breaking as they held each other, his words flooding her mind, sharing his pain, sharing her pain. Her lifelong search had led to agony, to a dead mom and a mad dad, to being orphaned once more, and she wished for nothing more than to return to that moment, to feel all of that all over again, because anything could be better than this.

And then she was nobody. Nobody, sinking to the floor as her love said his last words to her, nobody crying as people she called her family stood around her, helpless as she sobbed. Nobody, aching for a connection, aching for love, aching for anything other than her pain. And God, how she missed that.

She wallowed in her silence, basked in reliving every awful moment, every ache, every pain, every agony, because anything was better than the monumental emptiness that gnawed at her stomach, that consumed her insides, that suffocated her.

Her quiet broke eventually, of course it did. She couldn't be allowed escape, couldn't be spared from what awaited her in reality, from the sobs that broke her, leaving her foggy, unsure, her head pounding. She deserved to feel that pain, to feel every last bit of it, as it squeezed her dry, draining her.

It was Jemma who found her as her quiet broke, as it was enveloped by sobs.

"Daisy." she breathed, rushing over to her as she shook, huddled up in the corner of her bunk, hands trembling, her breathing stilted as sobs racked her chest.

"I can't live like this, Jems." she cried, letting Jemma pull her into her chest, letting herself be held. Jemma kissed her head gently, trying not to cry as she held her, as she watched her best friend, the girl she's known for years, break down in front of her.

"I know you, Daisy, I know you can get through this, but please, you have to give yourself time." was all Jemma could muster.

"Will it ever get easier?" she asked, looking up to her through bloodshot eyes, her voice shaking.

"Of course it will," Jemma lied smoothly, "You just have to believe that it can."

* * *

"She's not getting any better?" May asked as she saw Jemma leave Daisy's room. Jemma shook her head tightly. May sighed. Lincoln had died the night previously, Daisy not emerging from her bunk at all. May hadn't seen her since she'd carried her to bed that night, since she'd kissed her forehead. She knew what had to be done, of course she did, and she knew it would kill her. She loved Daisy like a daughter, loved her so preciously, so deeply, so painfully that it tore her apart, letting go. But there was no way Daisy could get better with all of S.H.I.E.L.D. watching her, no way she could fix herself with that eagle on every wall.

* * *

She was numb. Purely and utterly numb, numb as silent tears slid down her cheeks, as her mind raced, flashes of Hive, Lincoln, Ward, her mother, her father danced before her, as she drowned in herself, utterly lost. She longed for connection, for his lips, his touch, his laugh. She longed for Hive, how he completed her, how his sway filled her up, allowing her to truly breathe. She longed for her mother, to be held, to be told she was proud of her, for her father to laugh, for him to comfort her.

Instead, she was alone, stuck in her mind, their phantoms dancing with her. She didn't look up as her door opened, ignoring whoever it was. They couldn't understand, couldn't ever share her pain.

"You need to go." they said, dumping a duffel bag in front of her. Daisy looked up to see May, eyes tired, voice hoarse.

"You can't stay here, not like this, not with him everywhere, and so you need to go." She said again, more insistent this time. Daisy stood up on shaky legs.

"Why?" she asked.

"You need to be away. You need to leave, and find yourself again, outside of all this S.H.I.E.L.D. crap. You need to find Daisy Johnson, and you can't do that here." she said calmly, heart aching for the loss of a daughter as she gestured to the duffel.

"I don't know how I can do this, May, what I did, what happened, I can't live with it." she said hoarsely, her vice breaking.

"So you find a way, and you come back to us when you can bear it. I know the weight you carry, Daisy, and I know you can bear it. I also know that you're strong, and you're incredible, and I'll miss you like hell, but you can't stay, and so you need to go." May said, a sense of finality to her voice.

Daisy knew she was right. She knew that every eagle, every Terrigen crystal, every gym would just remind her of him. She knew that there was nowhere she could escape in S.H.I.E.L.D., that only she could fix herself.

May pulled her into a hug.

"I love you, Dais, but you need to go."

"I'll miss you." she mumbled, May nodded.

"I'll see you soon."

* * *

It hit her all over again as she awoke. Grief, guilt, rage, sorrow, fury, all crashing over her, paralysing her. She gasped as she remembered all over again, as quakes shook her van, as 'I love y-" echoed through her mind, over and over, as words left unsaid haunted her, chasing her wherever she went. It was easier alone, though.

Alone she couldn't hurt them, she was free, free to be quiet, free for rage to tear her apart, free for grief to hit her like a tidal wave. Alone she was free of him, free of S.H.I.E.L.D. and all the baggage it carried. She was in agony, all the time, but it ached slightly less knowing that she could leave them behind, that they'd be waiting for her, that she had a family, but that she wasn't just the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo she wore, that she was free, finally.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
